The D Words that changed my life

In the month of September, I have experienced so many words that start with D words. This journey started before the beginning of September without realizing the real affects that changed my life tremendously. In all the wrong ways, one month ago my life changed drastically and this is that story. Denial is the greatest of all and there is a reason every 12 step program starts with this word. Ignorance is bliss is truly an ignorant saying... irony. I have written plenty of blogs, Facebook posts, etc about my goal to come healthier. At my maximum weight in 2002, I weighed 337 lbs. I earned this achievement by eating at fast food restaurants on the way home from work and then having a mighty dinner once home. I wasn't proud of this achievement but I really didn't care. My mom came to visit and took a picture of me playing outside with my three year old son. Once she shared it with me, I was faced with the hard core fact of how large I had gotten. Even at 6foot 2inches, 337 lbs can't hide. This was my first attempt at losing weight. Like most of you, I see-sawed on eating healthy and working out like an expert. I got down to 280 in 2004, back up to 300 in 2005, down to 237 in 2012 and then back up again to 312 in 2016, down to 267 in 2017, and once again back up again to 307 in 2018 where I stayed between 295 and 312 for a couple of years. It was easy to convince myself I was doing well. I had lost over 100 lbs from my high of 337 lbs at one point, completed a couple sprint triathlons, half marathons, and multiple 5k and 10k runs. Earlier this year, I was just happy to be in the range I was in. I wasn't 337 again so it wasn't the end of the world, and like before, I avoided cameras so I could never see the truth of who I was becoming again. The one item people lack to understand is you can have an addiction to food. Now, if you are addicted to smoking, drugs, alcohol, etc... you can avoid these things with strong will power and support groups. Food, we need it to survive so the key to overcome the addiction is to avoid the devil (the high carb, high sugar, high calorie items) Doctor, the place where we go when we need to face the truth. I like my doctor, she's great, but I don't like doctors at all. I avoid them as much as I avoid hospitals, death, funerals, all the things that bring negativity. As an optimist, you can see why all of these words are like curse words. In July, my first symptom occurred. I didn't know it was a symptom at that point, I thought this was one of those getting old things. My vision crapped out... everything was blurry and I had to wear readers to see normal and struggled to read with them on. I made an eye doctor's appointment and it was scheduled early August. Two days later after I made the appointment, everything was fine again with my vision. I still went to the the appointment and the eye doctor said all was well. Of course, two weeks later my vision crapped out again. I also found myself drinking a lot, and peeing a lot of course. I wasn't healthy at all, and yet I was still loosing weight. I had dropped to 287 and thought it was good, but I knew something was wrong. It had been two years since I had been to my general doctor for a physical and I knew it was time to find out what was going on with my body. We talked, and everything was fine... then the blood test came back. Everything was normal except for the number 322... for a number that's not suppose to go above 100, 322 is a very high number for a fasting glucose. I knew at that point change was going to have to happen at that moment. Diet and exercise were now very important. I didn't wait for the next steps though I was in coming out of denial slowly. Diabetes is a word that has scared me for years. I have a phobia (an intense phobia) of needles. I didn't want to give myself insulin shots. That was my motivating factor which obviously wasn't enough. When my doctor ran my A1Cs and it came back at 11% (7% and lower is good), I knew I was in trouble. I had Type 2 Diabetes and it was confirmed. I had blown through the starting gate and overachieved. I was over 40, obese, and not active, all the beautiful ways to earn this disease. I made this happen, and genetics may have contributed but I made this happen. I read a lot between my next doctors appointment in three days and the more I read, the more I was dejected. This was hard news and it took me time to process the full extent of what I did to myself. I talked to a few close friends without telling them. I needed to hear about what their medical issues were. And then I made a call to a friend from middle school who is a nurse now. We talked about what this really means and what I should expect. I am forever grateful for her advice, guidance, and support. Her blunt honesty was what I needed. Death is inevitable for all of us. People who live with diabetes live 12-15 years on average past diagnosis. When you learn this, all of the plans you have for the rest of your life are different. I have plans to be on a boat when I retire, drive in an RV around North America after I am too old to sail, and enjoy playing with my grandkids in fifteen years. Death was not in those plans. Talking with my girlfriend about it was helpful. She started helping me meal plan immediately and though I educated her on the disease, I did leave out the time limit thing. I highly appreciative her support. Telling my parents was more difficult than I thought it would be. No parent wants to hear they may outlive their children. Both my Aunts on my dad's side died of Type 2 diabetes, so my dad thought (and may still believe) my life would be limited. My mom was helpful and supportive but in her own way, I knew she was hiding her fear and concern. My kids figured it out, likely all the books I had borrowed from the library. Yes this disease got me to library... go figure. They have been extremely supportive and I have raised good kids. The worst part is when I tell people I know that I have this disease, you hear a groan and look at you as if you are dying. Dominate is currently my most important D word. After reading a lot and talking with my doctor, I am going to dominate this disease and reverse it. I will be always be at risk, but right now I need to do all of things that put my Diabetes in remission and live to enjoy all of the things I plan too in life. How does that start? A good support team. My doctor agrees with my goals and though I am on a couple prescriptions, I am not taking insulin shots or constantly monitoring my blood sugar levels. We will make that decision in early December. I have lowered my sugar and carb intake to very low levels. My daily goal is less than 40grams of sugar and 10 of those are added sugars. This is 25% of the recommended amount. My daily goal for carbs is less than 100 grams. This is about 40% of recommended daily. I avoid most fruits, milk, soda, fruit juice, and all of what I call the devil's foods. I workout 6-7 times a week for at least 30 mins. I swim, run, and bike to stay active. I use my Apple Watch to track my exercise and move goals. This can have side affects that you don't expect. Getting off the couch after watching a show can cause good head rushes, and apparently passing out. Not a great thing when you have to call one of your daughters to bring something with sugar when you a laying on the floor and last thing you remember is that great head rush while leaning on the counter. One of my may lessons I am learning. In the last six weeks, I am down to 267 lbs (20 lbs) and have a lot of energy throughout the day. I have about 1-2 sweet and low packets a day to flavor my tea and one diet/zero soda a week to reward myself. Imake very minor slip ups when I think something is ok, but overestimate the serving size. As an example, 5oz of pistachios is 5 times the serving size. The difference between this time losing weight and every other time, is I have true motivation. I lost weight in the past for others more than me, this time... I don't want to die and that truly is a great motivator. So next time you see, don't act sullen around me, ask me how my goals are coming along and the things I miss the most in food (ice cream). I could always use more cheerleaders.